Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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