Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Enjoy the penises
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
