puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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