those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
