you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
