Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
