im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
