So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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