I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
