Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
