so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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