You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
