it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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