we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
