They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
