what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm like, not good at living.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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