Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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