dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
