You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
