I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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