I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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