we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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