hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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