I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
