it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
