She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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