If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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