Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
