I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
