oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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