I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
