So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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