His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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