Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
