Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands

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(443): View more from Maryland

He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.

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(678): View more from Georgia

This is the weirdest negotiation ever.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"

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(515): View more from Iowa

Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.

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(256): View more from Alabama

this hospital has no fireball

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(624): View more from

Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....

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