Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
