Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
