apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
