I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
