I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
