i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
