Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
