In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
