eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
