so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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