Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
