Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
