C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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