i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
