Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
